"All in all, we doubtless suffer from too much doubt. But we are likely to suffer much more because too many men are too sure of themselves."-Herbert J. Muller

I read an beautiful article this morning titled, History Rebuffed: Herbert J. Muller's The Uses of the Past by Thomas C. Reeves. This is my first exposure, to my knowledge to Muller, and though the writer did not agree with Muller's overall worldview, he gently humbly and beautifully engaged it in a way that he is of interest to me now.

The worldview of Muller was presented with great integrity, so much so it is clear that Thomas Reeve has been greatly influenced by him. Though listen to something that I found striking, "Reason has a way of telling you what you want to hear, often making a deity of what one encouters in the mirror. 'Reasonableness' usually turns out to be what you hold to be true." Recently I have been encouraging people at All Nations to live gently and reasonably in community. This quote was striking for me because that is what I am longing for in the mirror. Hence I realized the beauty of the Golden Rule, Do unto others that you would want done unto you. Our reason is always shaped by the relationships that we are in. So what does it mean in every area of life to identify, acknowledge, and engage the relationships that effect our reason? This is just a quick thought I will be sure to write more on this soon.

I used this in our weekly update to our congregation. As far as my friend Dee's generosity...one day she was fighting with Karin in front of the hardware store, with Oakland Fire Department watching, as she tried to give Karin here tithe money!! I think the OFD thought Karin was robbing her:)

A few Sundays ago I had a revelation before the morning service. I
arrived early and busied myself with all the preparations involved with
Sunday morning. At some point Keith came up to me and said there was
someone there who wanted to speak with the Pastor. As I suspected it
was someone who was homeless and in need. The funny part was Howard
(who I had already known) was the same guy that stole my wife’s Bible
weeks earlier and had stolen some things from an office of Kehilla
Synagogue.

After I mentioned to him that we knew each other and that he had taken
a Bible from my wife, he talked about having a Bible stolen himself.
We joked around a bit after that, so I asked him what his needs were.
After telling me his story and asking for help, I told him that we
could not give him money but were very thankful to have him with us
this morning to worship and enjoy some food and coffee. We prayed and
I was feeling pretty good about how things were going.

Then I looked around the church and began to think of our people who
show up on Sunday, how most of them are tired and have been through
hard weeks, and church was a safe place for them. So without much
thought I ask Howard, trying not to be rude, “Can you do me a favor?”
And Howard asked what it was. I said I hoped that if he were to stay
he would not ask people who came in for money. Immediately he jumped
out of his seat and began to yell in my face about how there was no
love. He accused me of many things as he walked out but surprisingly
from the way he was acting did not get physically violent.

I am sure after the situation that I did not handle the situation the
best I could, there is always some better way to say things then how I
choose to do it. And after awhile I realized that I was really upset
and sad. I prayed, “God is there no church for Howard?”, why do I
often seem a hindrance to the Gospel rather than help. That afternoon
after church I returned to John 17 for encouragement.

Jesus prayed for his people, being God he knew who his people were and
those were the ones he was passionate for. I do not even imagine to
know who is of God and who is not as Jesus did, but I also thought
God’s people who come to church on Sunday deserve a safe place. But
then I thought does that mean that homeless folk will never be a part
of All Nations, how small is the Gospel I thought. That night Dee was
in the evening service. She comes and worships as often as she is able
to. Whenever Karin or I see her outside selling Street Spirits she
gives us a banana for our daughter, which usually leaves me in tears.
She loves our music, loves the people, is generous with what she has,
and sleeps through my sermons (usually). There is a place for all
God’s children; we’ll make room if necessary. And if some people are
not there yet I’ll pray and take licks from them so that our church can
be a safe place for God’s people.

Now that I have returned from a trip back to Maryland two things are really at the front of my mind. The importance of community and the importance of family. While these two are closely related, there are many distinctions, and the importance of each has been impressed upon me.

Normally when I go on a trip I am in fundraising mode the entire time, and when I get home from the trip I am on this high about what we are doing in Oakland. This trip was very different. I spent most of my time with people from Oakland that are outside my church community in Oakland, and some great time with some of my closest friends in all the world. Yet I returned with a sadness in my heart when I got back to Oakland that I am working on identifying. There are two factors that I can identify now. First, two people who I care about very much in Oakland are going through very difficult times. As their pastor I sorrow with them, often too much. The pain they feel I take on, when I do it in a self pity way it is destructive, yet when I do it as Christ did when he wept because Lazarus his best friend died, I think it is healthy. I don't like to see those who I long to embrace the Gospel with such a depth that as the scripture says they are not washed to and fro as if in the waves, but they stand firm upon the rock of Christ. The second reason I believe that my heart is sad is because I did not get to worship with my community. On Sunday I went to Chapelgate which is the church that I because a christian at and grew up in as a christian. It is a huge blessing but I totally feel like I am on the outside because I am not known and I do not know others deeply and intimately. I love to worship with the people at All Nations. This is not a style thing, I enjoy many styles of worship, it is a relationship thing.

Now family is also so important. As I met with one friend who I do not know how he gets through how busy his life is, he told me the stories of what he and his family had gone through. I realized that God has kept them near their extended families because it would be impossible for them to go through what they went through as their parents are 3,000 miles away. Also getting to see two of my aunts that were in town (who I hadn't seen in years) to see my other aunt that has just been diagnosed with cancer, seeing them was great. Sharing stories with them, my parents, and my grandparents. Briefly seeing my brother, all of it made me realize what a sacrifice my calling is. That the financial side of being a missionary is one thing, but to sacrifice, and that is what it is a sacrifice, of family is hard. To hear my friends complain about the hardships of being around family I now listen to with longing. My hope is to return in the fall to try to get the family stories that are held by my grandparents (dad's side) and grandma (mom's side) before they pass.

I am not a night person, but since I am back east I have no interest in getting off West Coast time. This will make my transition home easier and will make tomorrow night hanging out with childhood friends more fun, for I will have all the energy. Blogging is easy, because it is only 9PM, so I sit here and listen to Death Cab for Cutie and Sufjan Stevens' Illinois. Both are very cool, melow albums. I haven't bought music, except for some Johnny Cash recently, but I am very happy I bit the bullet and got these albums!

So a comment on the Gospel of Judas. Okay so there were Dan Browns back in the 400's. The controversy that the Divici Code caused is about on the same level of serious threat to orthodox christianity as this book. While there are some interesting things about it, I think it is probably a good time to talk to the people at All Nations about crap that tends to go around.

To bring closure to all of those who were concerned about my lacrosse team. The kids had a great trip. Yesterday we played two games in the pouring rain, the rain stunk but our guys played wonderful lacrosse! They had great times staying with the host families, and I am grateful for the experience. The biggest surprise I had on the trip is that I really enjoyed hanging out with the parents of the kids. Honestly we have very little in common, at least on the outside, but they are a wonderful group of people who know how to have fun. I am really thankful for such friendships and the opportunity I have to coach this team.

Tonight I had one of those experiences that felt more like a dream that I was in rather than real life. I traveled to Maryland with the lacrosse team I coach from Oakland. We got off the plane and rushed to the field and got our $%# handed to us in two games. Afterward all of the kids took off to stay with host families. Then our coaches and a few of the parents who came with ended up at G&M, the restaurant in Maryland for crab cakes. It was there that it made more sense for me to be in an dream rather than in my life. The familar location and the randomness of the people I was with! Crazy. It was wonderful I got to sit next to one of the dad's that I have a great deal of respect for though I barely known him. We talked about books, our families, and the Gospel. Moments like tonight make me feel like my life is stranger than fiction at times.

So in follow up to my blog two days ago. I have a flair for the dramatic I must admit. Being accused of something unjustly and being beaten as a slave is an incredible amount of recontextualization. At the same time the principles for one were helpful for the other. One thing I realized is that when you are wrongly accused or dragged into something that is not about you, the truth in the situation is bound to come up. Prayer, fasting, and reading scripture all gave me a piece of mind so I didn't feel defensive. I am able to hear out he accusations against me and truly question if I heard wrong and there is something I need to repent of. The short of it is that we will be accused of things we are innocent of and the Gospel calls for us to forgive those who accuse us. Yet there is plenty that we get away with, and therefore we are not able to have pride that we are perfect. Everything is not wrapped up with a bow and more talk needs to happen. God has taught me a valuable lesson in this, trust Christ, He is in control, He can defend me, and his plans for me are good ones. So whatever circumstances you find yourself in, I hope you find this encouraging.

So one theory I have expressed on my blog is that if you want to have a hit song be sure to include the word "baby" in it. This last Sunday while at CityTeam, a ministry that cares for those in recovery and homeless here in Oakland, my worship leader confirmed for me that I am not the only one who has this theory. He mentioned a song writer that has a song out that is entirely the word "baby". I was glad to hear that my theory holds true.

As we sat there and discussed this we realized that this has greater implications then music. You see there were a stack of grocery line checkout isle magazines next to where we were talking. I would guess there were ten of them, each on having somewhere on the cover a story about a baby! As we went through the pile our anticipation grew as we flipped each one over only to find another magazine with another story. So it seems that these people who produce the magazines have caught on.

So I am planning on changing our entire marketing plan for our church, everything that goes out from our church will have something that looks like this:

All Nations Church

Amazing to me, how I can preach something and understand it and then read it again and feel like God has reapplied it to my heart. After a very rough Monday a friend recommended to me that I read 1 Peter to help me reflect on what I am going through. It really got to my heart.

Last night in my sermon, actually the last two weeks, I have made the statement that the Gospel demands that you forgive in all circumstances. Any person walking down the street knows that if they do something wrong, they should go ask forgiveness, but the Gospel says if someone has wronged you go and forgive them. Now my counseling degree gives me the weight to understand that forgivenesss can look many different ways, so I understand the complexities, but forgive.

So Peter says, "For this is a gracious thing, when, mindul of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God."

Earlier today I was saying to Karin that I feel like a lightening rod, and whenever something goes down in order to distract from the heart of the issue it ends up being misdirected toward me. So I said to Karin, there is plenty that I do wrong in my life why not pay the price for that rather than being blamed for all this untrue and inappropriate things.

That is not Gospel thinking. I should celebrate these hardships. God really has done an incredible work in my life, and grace abounds in areas that I never thought it would. So when I am wrongly blamed, suffer, and get accused of things that are untrue the time is not to wallow or run, but to throw a party and realize this is what I have been called...because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example so that you might follow in his steps.


Perhaps I will continue to be surprised by this, probably because it often comes from those we love the most. As I told someone in our church tonight, we don't let our enemies get close enough to do any real damage, it is those we love the most that are near enough to rip vicious blows against our soul. The same was true of Jesus, his disciples abandoned him, God was silent and eventually unleashed his wrath upon him. Yet that did not stop Jesus from accomplishing the greatest act of love the world will ever know.