As I am preparing for this Sunday I came across this quote that describes what I am feeling well. "If we don't communicate, we might as well remain silent. And if we don't manage to communicate properly what we think, we have to learn to speak better. " -Dr. Roger Nicole, What to do with people who are different than you. I feel like I am at a very intense time in my life, everything is happening at an accelerated rate, and all that we read on the news is about another suicide bomber or that China will use nukes.

I suffered a sever disappointment today when I spoke to my landlord and he was not interested in our offer to buy the house we currently live in. Since that discussion my neighbor next door brought me dinner and my neighbor across the street called to check in about the child exchange that she and Karin have. Both were daggers in my heart. What is the priority? Do we now forsake the relationships that we have spent two years cultivating in order to be good stewards and buy an over priced home in the Bay Area? All of the decisions are far to great for me to even get my mind around.

Honestly reading articles on unity in preparation for Sunday have settled my soul. I don't have time or patience for the cliches of God being in control and that he will work things out. My God is a present God, of course he has the future taken care of, but I long for him to blow a creator into my present circumstance. Perhaps if we lived more stable lives we would have the luxury of patience and waiting it out, but we live on a thin line; where our salary is based on support and in the span of seven days what little savings we had is wiped out. I know I am young ambitious and impatient, God will bring me through that, but I long to see him act in radical ways. This is the God who raise Lazarus from the grave, who turned the world dark when he died.

This Sunday we are baptizing a man in our church that has been attending for five years. His stories from his life are hard to believe, and yet God has grabbed a hold of him. He wrote me today and mentioned all the people who will be there for his baptism. He said they are really wondering what has happen to me, they think I've lost it. This man who has become my brother and I do feel like someone has let us out of the institution, perhaps they accidentally left the key in the door. But we are out now and we see the world, not just how it is, or what this God will do in the future, but what he is capable of doing radically now. I long for our service on Sunday to like having church in the circus, where all the performers have taken off their mask, where their real faces are wilder than their costumes and they find a master of ceremonies who will never beat them, forsake them, or abuse them, but will honor them, celebrate them, and allow them to walk the tight rope and perform arial stunts so strikingly dangerous simply because he is the saftey net.