How would my life and ministry be different if I no longer pursued what the immediate needs seem to be or what the latest whim, but if I were to live so that the life of my child might be better? That the mark I leave on the communitymay never be a benefit to me and might end up costing me a great deal yet God would choose to make the Bay Area more like the city of God for my children. Would I make different decisions with my time and energy each day if I had that in mind? What if my generation is not so important and what we are leaving for our children is actually the key?

My concern for the fix is more like the actions of a drug addict rather than a pastor. My drive is for the big high and when I get that I crash and jump to the next thing. Frustrated when life just continues about the same even though I have exhausted my energy.

If I were to impact the world for my child through my community it would mean I must pray. Not just throw up a prayer but make it a deep and powerful part of my daily rhythm. I would do what I can in a day and trust it was enough. My wife and I would model a healthy marriage so that my daughter would see what is meant for the church to be the bride of Christ.

Oour world is nuts, I don't know how else to describe it, I moves faster than even my young body and mind can comprehend. In this moment I am aking the questino, am I too close, are my goals to short-term, and might a few good steps back change everything?